Bearded “Expectant Father” Accuses RFK of Denying Science While Cradling His Imaginary Womb

In a stunning act of mental gymnastics, protestors gathered today to denounce RFK Jr. as “anti-science,” while one biologically male attendee—sporting a full beard, a bulging fake pregnancy belly, and a shirt screaming “SCIENCE IS REAL”—claimed to be in his third trimester.

The demonstration, held outside a government building that had just been renamed “The Department of Feelings & Inclusive Biology,” attracted dozens of furious activists shouting slogans such as “Trust Science” and “RFK Denies Reality,” all while holding signs that also boldly proclaimed, “Men Can Get Pregnant!”

The star of the protest, who identified as a “quantum gestator,” held his stomach with pride. “I don’t need ovaries to be a mother. I have conviction,” he declared. “RFK may have facts, research, and medical consensus on his side—but I have TikTok validation and a uterus-shaped tote bag.”

When asked for comment, the protestors insisted that biological sex is a social construct, unless of course you're discussing wage gaps, abortion rights, or sports—then it’s definitely real and deeply oppressive.

Meanwhile, one confused reporter noted the irony: “So RFK gets canceled for suggesting there are only two sexes… by the same group demanding society recognize pregnant men?”

The bearded belly-bearer quickly clapped back. “That’s not a contradiction, that’s an inclusive paradox.”

To top off the demonstration, protestors collectively agreed to rename biology “FEELEOLOGY” and vowed to create a Safe Space Curriculum™ that ensures students never have to learn any science that might offend their lived delusion.

As of press time, the “expectant dad” was seen arguing with a vending machine over its “discriminatory” labeling of snacks as “for men” or “for women.”